ORIGINAL AIRDATE: 12.5.17
Amunet somehow gets the best of Caitlin again. The Thinker is several steps ahead of Team Flash, in whatever game he’s playing. Because we still don’t know. And whoopso switcho, they’ve set up The Trial of The Flash.
Lord lord lord this episode was so laaaaaaaaaaame I can’t believe I have to review it. And that sentence is why I have my own blog, because I could never say that anywhere else. I’d have to pretend that the show is still worth reviewing.
So it’s Christmas in Flashville, and Harry and Francesca are decorating the lab. We get a quick glimpse of Barry’s costume to remind us that we don’t see him in it that often anymore. Dibny, Cisco and Harry embarrass Caitlin and hurt her feelings by talking about how much cooler it is to hang out with Killer Frost. I thought that was ridiculous. How can Caitlin possibly have low self-esteem?
She’s educated, accomplished, and indispensable to the team. As opposed to Miss-We’re-the-Flash-screw-the-future-I’m-not-Bitter. But somehow the banter of Team Dweeb seriously gets to her. Yeah I don’t even know Caitlin any more. But the writer in me knows…they just keep proving that Barry is Caitlin’s anchor. He’s the only reason she came out of the bar scene, remember? Cisco and Harry and Joe weren’t enough to make her come back. Only Barry was.
Also Ralph is a jackanape like I’ve never seen.
Cut to Virus and Blurry and I’m immediately bored to tears. And she’s whining about Felicity crashing their elopement, which I have to agree was majorly bogue. But that’s what happens when you write Mary Sues. They have some stupid interchange about him not using his powers because he’s just so unhurried now that he’s married to Virus. Sure. More proof that they don’t get this character. Jay Garrick, Barry Allen and Wally West love being Flashes. That doesn’t have anything to do with their wives. It’s just a fundamental part of who they are. So more characterization fail for this abortion of a superhero show.
Off to The Thinker, and his sidekick I’m-not-a-henchwoman-I’m-a-Partner. His body is breaking down, and I’m sorry, but you can’t help but to admire how she loves him. They’re planning for a big sumpin’ sumpin’ that we’re gonna see play out later.
Heaux Heaux Heaux
Wait now. Caitlin is at Jitters. And the drink she’s having is called “The Killer Frost.” Yeah I’ve got a question: how do they not recognize Caitlin? If she’s famous enough to have her own drink, do they really not know that her alter ego is the sweet SnowCone we all love? Do they think that Caity and Killy are two separate women? I dunno, it just seemed strange.
So in busts Amunet. With a Santa hat on, no less. Again, that kind of entrance is completely out of character for someone that both Cecile and Frost said had been running a low key operation for the past three years. NO. WAY. But whatever. Abandon all logic, ye who enter herein. Amunuggy easily dispatches Harry. And then she, with minimal effort, just slaps a power dampener on Caitlin’s wrist as she was beginning to frost out. Like, it was that easy. Remember all the trouble Julian and Team Flash had last year with Killer Frost? Turns out all it takes is a quick choke hold and a new bracelet. This is so stupid I think my brain is organizing a protest.
Oh wait we’re not done on Stupid Street! Barry is confronted, OUT IN THE OPEN, by Devoe. Now hold on just a blue black minute. How does someone not video this on their phone? A floating chair with a half machine-man? Really? And if you saw Justice League or you read comics, you know that Flash sees faster than real time. No way that blast should’ve caught him off guard like that, he would’ve seen it coming. And then Snare Bear is just as easily subdued by two Doc Ock tentacles and a few volts. Right. The man whose body is supercharged with SpeedForce lightning is knocked cold and whisked away by an Energizer Bunny chair. I can’t with this. I really can’t.
Captains of the Obvious
Cisco can’t vibe Barry’s location because Devotion has some kind of anti-vibe field setup around Care Bear. Berry Skittles wakes up in Devoe’s lair, and quickly discovers that he can’t get out. I call chicken poodoo on that one too. Know why? Because it’s another case of the villain having mastered the hero’s powers, but the hero has not.
Amulips brings Caitlin to her evil lair, and we discover an unconscious young black man. He’s got an ugly metal shard in his neck, and MuMu tells Caity M.D. that she needs to repair him. She of course doesn’t even try to get her power dampening bracelet off, she just accepts her fate. Caitlin in seasons past would’ve never done that. And lo and behold, Dominic is a meta. And he got his powers from the bus incident. And he’s a telepath! Yeah it was just the fact that this is a family show that saved things from getting really creepy between Dom and Frosty M.D. And Caitlin seems to have no confidence in herself. I just don’t get that, that is not Caitlin.
Devo-Let-It-Whip wants to “teach” the Crash a lesson. And he is so much smarter than BooBerry until it’s painful. And in walks? Sir Joe of West.
Joe confronts Professor Xvoe. He laughs at both Joe and Harry because he’s so far ahead of them it might as well be tomorrow. Joe is being a hothead, which he shouldn’t be as a cop. He keeps getting emotional over his kids, which is understandable, but every time he does, it costs him. Joe should’ve learned by now.
Miss-I’m-Not-an-Evil-Secretary is chatting it up with Barry. And Barry’s trying to psyche her out since he can’t use his powers to get out. Almost works, but the Devoes are still too much for him. Even though we still don’t know what they want from Barry.
We Got Nothing
Iris has to separate Cisco and Dibny. Everybody in that scene annoyed me to no end, except for Cisco. He told the truth for once, but I knew he was gonna apologize later. Harry tells Iris that she has to make the tough call as the Team Leader. And then the CrapStorm turns it up to eleven. Harry says that they don’t have enough resources to look for Barry and Caitlin at the same time. ‘Scuse me.
That’s got to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since “We’re the Flash.”
Satellites, facial recognition software, inter-dimensional hopping and global GPS but somehow, it’s taxing their resources to search for Barry and Caitlin simultaneously. Okay then. So Iris has to make the tough call of choosing which one of them to search for. Yah they’re gonna need an iPhone 27 for the way they phoned this plot in. SpeedForce Saints preserve us. They could’ve called Wally back, they could’ve called Jay, they could’ve called Jesse, and they could’ve found them in seconds. But whatever, it’s not like we need more than a second grade education to watch this snoozefest.
So Caitlin figures out that Mr. Telepath can get them out. She doesn’t seem to figure out that sharp pointy things might break her power dampener wristband. They have regressed Caitlin as a character and as a grownup to make this plot work. Amunet and Caitlin have another convo. Because that’s what we wanted to see. Oh wait I’m sorry, we wanted another Frost-Ammiekins fight, but NOPE. Caitlin reacts like a low self-esteem teenager. And Amulips actually gives her a pep talk. Wow even the villains get in on that.
Blah blah blah Francesca and Dibb Dibbs have a moment. *sigh* So bored now. Virus decides to go after Caitlin because “Barry can take care of himself.” All of these people take the most dramatic route possible to every decision.
Dom Dom Diddy trusts Dr. Snow. Yeah she puts on a mask but she would’ve put her hair up too. I’ve called the show out on that before. Out comes the foreign object but he goes into shock. Caitlin has tricked MuMu however and filled the room with knockout gas. She and Dom make a break for it. Vibe and Longey Man make short work of Miss White-Girl-Dreads-from-the-90s and they’re gone.
Chair of Doom
So Flash vibrated…slowly? And now he’s freeeeee! Yeah didn’t get that one. He and Devoe have a fight flying above the city. Barry finally avoids his octo tentacles by vibrating as they fall towards the river. The real Flash would’ve created a wind funnel with his arms to break his fall. But nope we have to have Comedy Flashicle and the flotation device. And Devoe hits the water hard. All up in his baby chair.
They think that all’s well and convene at Castle West for the Christmas Party. Caitlin asks if she can bring Dom which just seemed…desperate and creepy. She just met this dude for Heaven’s sake. So they’re having fun to some retro music, and guess what? Gypsy sends Cisco a strip cube. Holy cow that was funny, Cisco couldn’t shut it off. But the biggest reveal? Dominic shows up, all smiles. He gets named Brainstorm. Barry gets a warning from his loft.
And, DUHN DUHN DUHN. Devoe has switched his consciousness into Dominic’s body and framed Barry for his old body’s murder. And we get the flashback process of how it all happened. WHOA. We actually did see that coming, but it was kind of fun to watch. Except for the part about Barry deciding not to run when the cops came in. That was just stupid and as unFlash-like as possible. He seems to have been thinking that it would be better for Iris if he surrendered. And he got arrested on the basis of something that was absolutely circumstantial. That was just a Constitutional joke.
And Mrs. Devoe has to get used to making out with young black Dominic now. Yah I have a feeling she’ll adjust.
As mid-season finales go, this is the worst one I’ve ever seen. It had so many non-sensical elements to it until I had a hard time finishing it. They have effectively set up the Trial of the Flash from the comics. There, it was Reverse Flash that killed Iris. Thawne was then about to kill Barry’s new girlfriend, and Barry murdered him. Then he went on trial for that murder. See the comic recommendations below.
Yeah I don’t really care about what happens when the show comes back. Because we already know. It’s gonna be stupid, and Barry will do lots of stupid stuff. Maybe he’ll even reveal his identity. But he’ll be exonerated before it’s all over. It’s really a shame what this show has come to. It used to be Must See TV. Now it’s, Do I Have to Watch?
Join us next Tuesday for #FlashChat at 1 PM CST on Twitter. We’ll be talking about this mess of an episode and it will be our last one for 2017. The discussions are always smart, lively, and um….better than the show itself now. 😐